Seeds.

I hate that I keep tossing seed all over the place and every now and then one of them germinates and I have to fucking destroy it before anything is even born.

Emotional abortions. Soon is obviously better than late, but are always such distress.

I have little in my mind besides how much it sucks to do this. The other thing in my mind is the reason why I'm doing it, cutting her off of my life abruptly. It's because of HER, the one I've been waiting for and who I have love for.

I never promised anything, I tried to seem uninvolved, but I guess I'm always so involved in everything I do that even that feels like involved. I wish I could've made it clear to you from day one that we wouldn't go anywhere, but that would make anything less possible.

It all comes down to this. I'm sorry, but I have to cut it short.

I was late to my teenagehood.

It's always been like that for me. Late.
When everyone was starting to grow fur and get pimples, I was indulging in cartoons, videogames, action figures and toys.
When they were getting girlfriends and going out, I was at the peak of my romantic platonism. And didn't see a point in dressing up or going out at night.
I like to believe I have enjoyed every last drop of the things that please me.
Now that I'm 22, I'm practically married before most people I know.

Maybe that's what's bothering me so much.